what's happening

I doubt anyone even looks at this blog any more but since SIC started up again this year, I feel like we don't really know what's going on in our sisters lives. The sharing atmosphere has disappeared and sometimes SIC just seems like a group for studying the bible and as good as that is, I feel like there still needs to be sharing. To be honest, I can understand why some people have just stopped coming. There are so many of us struggling with our faith and no one is willing to speak up about it. So many times I feel like I don't matter because no one cares to ask how I'm going and so many times we talk about how SIC is a place where we can be one with God and each other, and this might be true during lunchtimes but as soon as we go back to class everyone just gossips about everyone else and it doesn't even feel like I have sisters in Christ. You rarely ever hear someone answer this question truthfully: 'How is your Christian walk going?'. I always hear 'good' or 'it's okay, I guess' and I can kind of understand why: I'm scared of being judged by others, even our SICs. What's happened to us, guys? 

SIC isn't a place without judgement any more and this really sucks. 

I guess I might as well just let everything out here too. My Christian walk is going downhill and my faith is just wavering really badly. So many things are in the way of God and I and although I try to stop these things from continuing, I don't really have any motivation because in the end, no one really cares about me, right? Everyone is too caught up in their own worlds, including me...... 

...

I don't think I'm Christian any more. Lately I've been questioning if God even exists. And what if he does? What does it matter? I don't know any more.

Maybe I'm convincing myself that God doesn't exist because being Christian is just so hard.
Not being Christian would be so much easier.

Sometimes I wish someone didn't tell me the gospel so I could just be blind and oblivious and not feel this huge pressure of trying to live up to what God wants from me, I could be free. But I don't know because aren't I meant to feel free if I'm Christian? I really don't know any more and I don't know what to think or what to do. I really don't mean to be a downer on this blog because it's meant to be encouraging but I don't know what else I can do. Whenever I try to tell someone about things concerning this they just tell me to pray about it. I know it's not because they don't want to help it's just they don't know how. But what if I feel like praying is just this one sided conversation? What if there's no one there to listen to me? Did I ever really know God?

I hear all these inspiring stories about miracles and I want to believe them so bad but I really don't know if I can.

I want help but I really don't know who wants to help me. I feel like asking people for help is just asking for too much. People end up getting tired of each other, tired of each other's problems. Because at the end of the day, we're all just trying to save ourselves.

Sorry to be a downer again.
I doubt anyone reads this any more anyway. I don't know what happened to SIC, we used to be so on fire and now we're barely a dying flame. I want to be on fire again. I want SIC to be on fire again.

Lost

Over the past few month's, i've completely disconnected myself from God. I stopped going to church, stopped praying, worshiping, even thinking. It's ridiculous i know and i feel so distant and guilty and bad. A few hours ago i lost it and cried for hours and hours. I didn't know what to do with my life anymore. There's so much stress and pressure and friends and family and LIFE and i felt so so alone. Every friend i talked to just made me feel worse. Just then in the shower i completely broke down again and cried and i finally decided to pray. I prayed for forgiveness, i prayed for peace, i prayed for freedom, i prayed thanks for still watching over me, prayed for God to save me. To save me from the world and from myself. After stepping out of the shower, i was very surprised to feel like a stone the size of Antarctica (wtf lol) was lifted off me. I'm sitting here now in my pjs confused, scared, but slightly more relieved. I still don't know what to do but i'm sure God has something planned for me. Maybe these tough times were to make me stronger? i hope you guys remember that too :) Sorry, i just wanted to share this and i had nowhere to go

Long time no blog hey?

Hey beautiful sisters!

Long time no blog?
Long time no SIC either with all this Canberra and soon to come athletics carnival. T.T
I'm excited about SIC this term because I feel like we're on the right path to become a closer community of sisters in christ!
I feel like even though our fellowship group has gotten a little smaller, we've still grown within ourselves.
But maybe it's time to encourage our sisters to come back to SIC? Not just invite them to come back but just talk to them about how they're going in life, in their walk with Jesus. It's easy to stray away from the light but it's even easier to stay on our walk with Jesus when we have so many beautiful sisters walking with us! I actually feel really blessed that we have SIC. I mean we've had our ups and downs and secrets but I honestly don't feel like many other schools are blessed with the situation that we have right here in our hands! Let's make the most of it! I use a lot of exclamation marks!

How's everyone's bible reading been going?
To be honest I've been slacking off quite a bit and using my "assignments" as an excuse to not read the bible when I CLEARLY have enough time to go online and procrastinate. Do you guys think it's a good idea to have a bible reading schedule?

Oh btw talking about procrastination, this is one of the blogs I follow on tumblr and I really find it encouraging when it comes up on my dash, just thought you guys might appreciate it too?

http://ilovegodaboveall.tumblr.com

LOVE YOUR SIC
<3 <3 <3