I agree so strongly with the last post. I know a lot of us have problems but they don't necessarily need to be shared with everyone. If we want to ask for prayer for them we could just ask others to pray for security, faith, trust, peace, self-confidence, or any number of other things, but we don't always have to share our problems with others. I get that you get a sense of closure in not having to bear a big burden by yourself, but what's the significance of telling a lot of people? Do you want people to look at you differently? Because most people will, once they find out things like this. And when you share such big secrets with us at SIC, some of the time it makes us feel like our lives are nothing and that we're so small and petty compared to you.

To quote some of the last few posts, I feel like this is getting into a competition. Eating disorders, self harm etc are not contests and are life ruining. Some people have learned the art of suffering silently. They know only God can help them, so they don't bother telling everyone they meet what they are going through.

I feel like everyone is triggering each other to do these things. For starters I wouldn't have started cutting again if I didn't find out that someone else in my grade was openly doing it. I felt like it was ok for me to do it and more normal so I started again. And reading this blog makes me so depressed. I really suggest that you talk to a counsellor or someone about anything that's bothering you because it could get a lot worse and out of control. Sometimes I just want to say fuck this and just get out of this mess but then I think about how God put me here for a reason and that all you wonderful sisters will always be here.
Also, I feel like this is getting into a competition. Eating disorders, self harm etc are not contests and are life ruining. Once you start it's so hard to get out. Please fight this battle hard for God. Love you all xxx

Regarding the post below...

It is important to remember that there are people here who don't wish to share their troubles at SIC
Just something I found helpful regarding this area-

We may look at other people and think they never have to go through anything difficult, but we all go through different things. Some people have gone through devastating things that nobody knows anything about. Some people have learned the art of suffering silently. They know only God can help them, so they don't bother telling everyone they meet what they are going through.
It is not wrong to share our troubles with a friend or counselor, but the point is that we cannot assume others are not having challenges in life just because they don't look depressed or don't talk about their problems. We all get hut at times, and we all have the same opportunity either to let it make us bitter or let it make us better. How can injsutices make us better? For one thing, they help us develop character. Doing what is right when we don't have feelings supporting us builds strong character in us. Intelligence and talents are God's gifts, but character is developed. We need to move beyond hurt and be willing to give ourselves away and lay down our lives for others (John 15:13)



Do not forget your letters are to be written and handed into Joanna ASAP! (Tash by this week, Anita by next)

Happy holidays !

hello guys and girls but mainly girls,
Christmas is coming up!
but before that we have encouragement letters to give
i know that i'm writing mines right now :)
i just have to say one thing, and that's during the holiday season its always to hardest to keep with God, especially if you don't go to church or your family isn't Christian. Doing something by yourself is always harder than doing it without friends, especially something like Christianity because it takes so much commitment and effort.
My point is, that although there are some people who have voiced their problems in SIC, that we shouldn't forget that there are also girls who would rather keep these problems to themselves. Although they may not have said anything to anyone, an encouragement letter to them could really make a difference for them during the holidays. It could stop them from feeling lonely or unloved during Christmas. Imagine having to struggle through the holiday with your problems with things like Christianity and family or whatever it is, and not have a letter to give you hope and encouragement, just because you thought it was too private to speak up about. You could really change their holiday with just one letter. So please, send a letter to someone who you might not think has problems because a little bit of encouragement can go a long way.

Elastics

I thought I was fine.

I’ve really never thought about selfharm. Well, I’ve thought about selfharm before, but definitely not to myself.

I’m too much of a coward to harm myself.

But then I heard about using an elastic band.

It’s meant to be a recovery solution for those who cut.

But for me, it’s an introduction.

It’s lulling me into it.

No. I’m not depressed.

At least I don’t think I am.

At first, I did it because I simply felt like it and I wanted to see if it made a noise. I also wanted to see if anyone on the train would notice. I wanted to see if people noticed.

It felt quite nice.

And then I looked at the red welts on my wrist and I smiled. It was like relief.

But then I was thinking about it more and more last night. I just felt the urge to do it again. But this time, there was nobody there to notice. I did it just because I felt the itching urge to.

And so I did.

I only snapped the band twice. And then I forced myself to pull away.

I did it today again. So many times. I snapped the elastic a few times on the train but I did it more during school whenever I felt that sadness and it felt nice. I forgot what the sadness felt like. Its like that feeling when your friend insults you or belittles you, that feeling when you notice that you're not worth the attention, that feeling you get when you want someone to notice you but noone does.

I noticed that I didn’t notice the elastic sitting on my wrist when I was happy.

I guess that’s obvious seeing as self harm doesn’t happen when your happy.

But I did it more today.

I’m scared.

What if I do it more?

What if I get addicted?

I did feel nice. It was almost like satisfaction.

Probably a fraction of what those who cut feel.

I don’t want to spiral into depression.

Please let it not be so.

I still have a few red welts from last period at school. Its barely visible but I can tell the difference between my left wrist and my right one.

I guess I didn’t know I was in pain until I felt relief.

ideas for friday

hey guys,
ive been thinking about our sic meetings and i think a lot of us joined in the first place to have a better relationship with god and to grow with our fellow sisters. but god is the ultimate focus right? in order to have a better relationship with anyone, you have to first get to know them and i think its really important to understand who god is first. throughout this term i think we just have been discussing i. small groups and a lot of the time i have realised that we often get stuck on what to talk about. i think it would be nicer to have a topic to discuss and to get to know god better. and focus our fellowship to him. it is still important that we share our problems but i think ultimately god is the only one that can solve them. so what do you think about topics for every week? :)

Hey guys

God is always watching so don't forget to smile and be positive!!! Love you lovely sisters xxxxx

loooool

the post below made me smile

this blog makes me sad

click this if you need some more happy

thank me later
and don't forget to smile!
because He's always watching over you.

Continuing on

I dont know how to say this but i feel like I really need to tell you all about how well being a Christian isnt something easy. It isnt something where once you decide to become Christian you will just be perfect at it. There will always be ups and downs and it wont be easy. I really encourage you all when you feel like your straying off the path or when you just feel like your drifting from God to talk to someone, to pray and most importantly to continue reading. I can honestly say there are days where I just dont feel like reading. Like i open my bible and i see all these words and I just go I HATE READING and one day wont kill me but this all builds up. Being a Christian is a lifestyle change and isnt something you can do half heartedly so I really really encouarge you all, if you are finding yourself straying to seek God, to really look to him no matter how much you dont want. Being a Christian is a fight and it isnt easy so dont give up hope. 

Psalm 119:176 

I have strayed like a lost sheep.
    Seek your servant,
    for I have not forgotten your commands.

Joshua 23:8

But you are to hold fast to the Lord your God, as you have until now

Hebrews 10:23

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful 

 

No one can ever be a perfect Christian

Do not beat yourself up if you have stumbled in your faith and trust to God. No one can ever be the perfect Christian, we all have our own faults.

You are not alone in your struggles. Simon Peter disobeyed Jesus in Matthew 26 three times even when Jesus predicted this future actions to him.

Can you imagine it? The great Peter, the man that is said to have been the greatest saint in history, Jesus' right hand man, one of the loyalist disciples disobeyed him.

I know many of us may find it hard to fit Him into our lives. There are times when we fall asleep like the three disciples at Gethsemane but remember that everybody sins, everyday we sin. That is the very reason we ask for His forgiveness.

I know sometimes we look at our fellow sisters and think 'She has so much faith in God, why can't I be like that? I'm not a good Christian because I can't put the same amount of trust in Him'

I urge you to not look at the growth of other sisters as a comparison, each person is different. God doesn't have favourites, he loves everyone and everything. No matter how many times you have sinned He will be waiting there patiently to catch you when you fall.

If you feel like you're slipping, talk to a church/ISCF leader, maybe even a fellow SIC member. There are always people there for you.

If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.
1 Corinthians 10:12-13 

I thought...

If God loves us, then why would he protect us from knowledge. Knowledge is such a beautiful thing, its how we know to gather together and pray. If it was such a good thing why would he keep it away from us. I used to think that God was selfish because he hid this from us. I thought I could live a life with knowledge, without God. Why would God hold this fruit up in front of us, knowing it was our nature to chase after what we can’t have, and thats why eve bit the apple.

But now I know. Knowledge is power. That is the most efficient statement I have ever heard. And some of us can’t hand power. None of us can handle power. Power is what drives us insane, and makes us sick. Sick in the head. If I didn’t know that shoving my fingers down my throat would make me throw up then I wouldn’t be doing it. If I didn’t know that people are cruel and judgemental, then I wouldn’t isolate myself so much. If I didn’t know that she did this, or he did that, then maybe I wouldn’t cringe when i see them. If I didn’t know what the latest fashion trends were, I wouldn’t be blowing my parents’ hard-earned money everywhere. If i didn’t know that buying things made me so happy, then i wouldn’t be so fucking matierialistic. If I didn’t know that my goal in life was to find happiness, then i wouldn’t be looking for it in superficial things.

I wish i didn’t know. If i didn’t know i would be pure and i would be innocent and perfect in God’s eyes. I wish there was a possibility that i could refrain from knowing, but it’s impossible, no matter how much my parents hide me from this stuff, my nature is always going to look for that apple. And there’s going to be more and more apples, and every single time i get one of these apple’s, im going to feel encouraged to change my life and move away from God.

Sin is the reason i hate.

And you know what, its because we know things, that God has to satisfy us. We know that we need food to live, so he provides it. And the more we know, the harder God has to work. I don’t know about the rest of you, but God really is my father. I see him in exactly the same light as my real dad. And I love him just as much as he loves me. I think, the reason I’m saying all of this is that God really does love you. If he tries to protect you from things that he knows will corrupt you, he would do everything a real dad would do for you. And I think that it really hurts him when someone suicides. You forget God loves you, you forget that he created you, you forget that you are empty without him, constantly chasing apples. But most importantly, if God can feel love, he can also feel pain. never forget that the things you do and say affect God as well. 

I think God hates to hear about someone suiciding just as much as the next person. 

But you know what?

Some people have that verse from the Bible that really hits home to them, you know? That really strikes them - that relates so much to their life. Well for me, that would be Psalm 27:1. I don't know how I came across it - I think I just stumbled upon it one day. Maybe I'm faltering as a Christian, or maybe life has considerably improved in such a manner that I no longer need that verse for support? Whatever it is, I've recently felt that that particular verse no longer resounds within me quite so much. But life has been pretty bad in the past few weeks. I tried to turn to God - I've always known this was coming, but no amount of prayer or hope or friendship has made it any the better.

I know I've cried so much over the past week, and it doesn't feel like I'll ever stop crying. Isn't it weird - I bet loads of people think my life is easy. They must think the only hardships in my life are how to get good marks in that one test or how to make that boy fall for me. Isn't it funny that my life is so much more?



But you know what? I'm not even scared anymore.



 Psalm 27:1 - The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

If you are reading this, know that you are loved by someone, somewhere, by your fellow sisters and by God himself

The Lord is my LIGHT and SALVATION- whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the STRONGHOLD in my life- of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 27:1

an open letter

hi guys so this isn't really specific for anybody but just something general that i wanted to share.

i know we all know how it feels to be at rock bottom and we feel like everything we do doesn't even matter in life anymore because nothing is going to get better and everything is just going to go down hill and we begin to doubt God and his love; if God's love is real, why do I feel this way?

well, there's this book, called the Bible, and basically the whole book, is about God's love for us. The entire book is about how much he loves each and everyone of us, nobody just writes a whole book about nothing. 

I personally, would really hate if anything happened to any of you. As I am writing this, I am shaking in fear that one day I will turn up to school and one of us will be gone, everyone of us will cry out of love. We never have to go through things alone, God has graciously given us fellow brothers and sisters so that we may share the burden. It's like a pulley, for every cog that is put in place, the amount of energy needed to lift a weight will be reduced, we are those cogs that are part of the same great big contraption and we are there to help you go through this so never feel like any of us are alone.

Lord, thank you for always being there for us to talk to and to share our burdens, and that you've given us the gift of sisters and brothers of Christ whom we can share our burdens with so that we are never crushed by the weight of our pain. There is no one like you who understands all our troubles. Father, I pray that through all our times of troubles and turmoil that you will light up the dark and lead us away from temptation and you will give us strength and love and comfort. 

In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

negative thoughts

Hey guys, I just wanted to write up something here that I'm not ready to share during our meetings or on our facebook group.

So I've been thinking of taking my life for quite a while now and I'm not sure how much strength I have left to keep up this happy attitude at school and at home before I really break down. I've been cutting myself as well and I just feel like I might as well kill myself. Sometimes I feel like God's love won't be enough to keep me going but sometimes I also feel like there's too much of God's love and I don't feel like I deserve any of this. My life is a mess and so am I. 

ysic x

spotto prayer :)

father god i thank you for never getting bored of me and i thank you that you havent given up on me and that you are always right beside me even though the people around me might have, you are always there!

father, thank you that through you alone i can seek love, thank you for being enough for me. that i dont have to seek love, success and happiness in anyone or anything else.

father god, thank you for looking past my imperfections and loving me for who i am. thank you that through you i can find true satisfaction that will last forever.

father god, in times of doubt, remind me that you are always there, and let me not forget that you love me still the same, no matter what others think of me.

father god, in times of hardship and suffering, please strengthen me and help me persevere and guide me to your love.

father god, in times of anger, calm me father and do not let my anger provoke others. give me peace father in everything that i do, and i pray that you will keep me calm in everything that i do, so that i can show those you dont yet know you, the peace you have shown me.

father god, help me show those around me who you really are; powerful, almighty, peaceful, and loving.

We are all equal

In regards to our discussion today about homosexuality, like I know God created man to be with woman and vice versa but like didn't he also create us all equal?

Idk I think it's slack when people talk about how being homosexual is a sin I mean yeah it's like implied in the Bible but I'm pretty sure they changed something in the new testament. Anyway it's not like homosexuality is a lifestyle choice so why should they be blamed and discriminated against. Like so many Christian groups and stuff protest against gays like why must you do this.

Some people actually do think that gay people choose to be gay but do straight people choose to be straight; last time I checked they did not. And look at all the shit they are put through; all that bullying and stuff like I doubt anyone would actually want to go through that.

Idk I just find it really really slack when people talk about gays like that I mean we're all human and God made all of us just how he wanted us to be.

And okay I was thinking about this. What if a young girl had been born and raised in a Christian family and had really strong morals and values and was just an all round good person, but then she realised that she was homosexual. What if she's done all that she could to love and honour God but then she's been called a 'sinner' because of something she has no control over. 

parents.

today my mum told me that she sees no future for me and that one day i'll kill myself.
i don't think that parents realise how much their words scar their kids.