I thought...

If God loves us, then why would he protect us from knowledge. Knowledge is such a beautiful thing, its how we know to gather together and pray. If it was such a good thing why would he keep it away from us. I used to think that God was selfish because he hid this from us. I thought I could live a life with knowledge, without God. Why would God hold this fruit up in front of us, knowing it was our nature to chase after what we can’t have, and thats why eve bit the apple.

But now I know. Knowledge is power. That is the most efficient statement I have ever heard. And some of us can’t hand power. None of us can handle power. Power is what drives us insane, and makes us sick. Sick in the head. If I didn’t know that shoving my fingers down my throat would make me throw up then I wouldn’t be doing it. If I didn’t know that people are cruel and judgemental, then I wouldn’t isolate myself so much. If I didn’t know that she did this, or he did that, then maybe I wouldn’t cringe when i see them. If I didn’t know what the latest fashion trends were, I wouldn’t be blowing my parents’ hard-earned money everywhere. If i didn’t know that buying things made me so happy, then i wouldn’t be so fucking matierialistic. If I didn’t know that my goal in life was to find happiness, then i wouldn’t be looking for it in superficial things.

I wish i didn’t know. If i didn’t know i would be pure and i would be innocent and perfect in God’s eyes. I wish there was a possibility that i could refrain from knowing, but it’s impossible, no matter how much my parents hide me from this stuff, my nature is always going to look for that apple. And there’s going to be more and more apples, and every single time i get one of these apple’s, im going to feel encouraged to change my life and move away from God.

Sin is the reason i hate.

And you know what, its because we know things, that God has to satisfy us. We know that we need food to live, so he provides it. And the more we know, the harder God has to work. I don’t know about the rest of you, but God really is my father. I see him in exactly the same light as my real dad. And I love him just as much as he loves me. I think, the reason I’m saying all of this is that God really does love you. If he tries to protect you from things that he knows will corrupt you, he would do everything a real dad would do for you. And I think that it really hurts him when someone suicides. You forget God loves you, you forget that he created you, you forget that you are empty without him, constantly chasing apples. But most importantly, if God can feel love, he can also feel pain. never forget that the things you do and say affect God as well. 

I think God hates to hear about someone suiciding just as much as the next person.